I Refused to Let My DIL Join Our Family Vacation / Bright Side

Family vacations are meant to strengthen bonds, but this year, I made a decision that shocked everyone. I excluded my daughter-in-law (DIL) from our annual trip. It wasn’t a choice I made lightly, but I felt it was necessary.

My strained relationship with my DIL

Hi Bright Side readers, I’m Catherine and I need your perspective on whether my actions were justified. My daughter-in-law, Tina, has been married to my son Blake for three years. While we’ve never been especially close, I thought we had an okay relationship—until recently.

Tina has a habit of making sarcastic remarks during family gatherings. For example, she rolls her eyes at my suggestions and dismisses my opinions as “old-fashioned.” These comments sting, but I’ve tried to brush them off for the sake of family peace.

The final straw came during Blake’s birthday dinner. We plan a family trip every year. This time, my husband and I chose a cozy cabin in the woods. We announced it to the family and everyone seemed excited, including my daughter-in-law. But then she insulted me and said, “You always plan these trips because you can’t let anyone else take the spotlight. You want everything to be according to your taste”.

The table went silent. Later, in the kitchen, she offered a half-apology: “I didn’t mean to hurt or offend you; it’s just that you like being in control, it’s the truth.” It didn’t feel sincere—it felt like another jab.

I made a tough decision

That night, I decided I couldn’t spend an entire week in close quarters with someone who constantly undermined me. I told Blake the next day that I needed Tina to skip the trip. “I just need a break from the tension,” I explained.

Blake was upset and warned me Tina wouldn’t take it well. He was right. When she found out, she accused me of being controlling and trying to drive a wedge in the family. Despite her anger, my husband and I stuck to our decision and went ahead with the trip.

The vacation was peaceful—something we hadn’t experienced in a long time. Without Tina’s remarks, we laughed more, relaxed, and truly enjoyed ourselves. But since returning, she hasn’t spoken to me. She’s also keeping my granddaughter away, which has been heartbreaking.

I keep wondering: Did I go too far? Should I apologize to my DIL for excluding her?

Hi Catherine! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Family conflicts can be incredibly challenging, but there’s always room for resolution. Here’s what we recommend:

Reflect on Your Actions: Take a moment to consider how excluding Tina might have made her feel. While you might have felt justified, understanding her perspective is key to moving forward.

Reach Out to your DIL: Let her know you’re open to dialogue. Even a simple message like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you; can we talk?” can pave the way for reconciliation.

Apologize if Needed: If you recognize that excluding her may have been hurtful, a sincere apology can go a long way. This doesn’t mean admitting fault entirely but showing you value the relationship enough to mend it.

Address the Underlying Issues: During your conversation, gently explain how her comments have affected you. Focus on how you feel rather than accusing her, and encourage her to share her feelings as well.

Involve a Mediator: If emotions run high, consider asking Blake to mediate a discussion between you and Tina. A neutral party can help both sides feel heard.

“Why I Refused to Support My Retired Mother” — Read another shocking letter from a daughter who doesn’t wish to pay for her mother anymore. Is she right or wrong?