I Excluded My DIL From Our Family Vacation / Bright Side

Family trips are supposed to bring people closer, but this year, I made a decision that stunned everyone. I excluded my daughter-in-law from our family vacation. It wasn’t easy, but it felt necessary.

Shelley shares her tragic story with Bright Side.

Hi Bright Side! I’m here to share a rather personal story. The deed is already done but I have been wondering lately if what I did was justified or if I was in the wrong. I’d be happy to know from your readers who they think is at fault in this whole situation.

My daughter-in-law and I aren’t especially close but I thought we got along alright now. She’s been married to my son, Ryan, for three years. Initially, I didn’t approve of their marriage but I accepted her later for my son’s happiness. They have a daughter whom I love dearly. I have been trying to get closer to my DIL but it’s so hard.

She keeps making these sarcastic remarks. I feel like she’s trying to insult me. She’d roll her eyes at my suggestions during family dinners or dismiss my opinions as “old-fashioned.” The last straw came at Ryan’s birthday dinner. Every summer, we go on a family trip. This year, my husband and I chose a lakeside cabin for fishing. We revealed the news and everyone seemed excited, including my daughter-in-law. But then she humiliated me by saying, “You always plan these trips because you can’t stand letting anyone else take charge.”

The table went silent. Later, in the kitchen, Megan doubled down. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, that was not my intention. It’s just that you like being in control,” she said softly, but it felt like a subtle jab. That night, I made up my mind, that I couldn’t spend a week in close quarters with someone who didn’t respect me.

I told Ryan the next day I wanted her to skip the trip. “I need a break from the tension,” I explained. He was upset and said he didn’t want to take sides. He warned me Megan wouldn’t take it well. He was right. She called me later and called me controlling again. She also accused me of driving a wedge in the family. I don’t know where her anger is coming from.

Despite the drama, we took the trip and it was so peaceful. Without Megan’s taunts, we laughed more, relaxed, and enjoyed the time together. But since we’ve returned, Megan hasn’t talked to me or come over to our house. She is also keeping my granddaughter away from me and it is making me really upset. Should I apologize to my daughter-in-law? What should I do next?

Hi Shelley! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Family feuds are never easy on anyone. Here are our recommendations on how you may handle the situation ahead:

Reflect on your actions: Take some time to evaluate your role in the situation. While you may feel justified in your decision, try to consider how your actions might have been perceived by Megan. This self-awareness can guide your next steps.

Acknowledge her feelings: Reach out to your daughter-in-law and acknowledge her perspective. Even if you don’t agree, letting her know that you’re willing to understand her side can help mend the relationship. A simple, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’d like us to fix things,” can go a long way.

Apologize if necessary: If you realize that excluding her from the trip was hurtful, consider offering an apology. It doesn’t mean admitting you were entirely wrong, but it shows you value the relationship enough to move past the conflict and mend relations.

Set boundaries with compassion: While mending the relationship is important, ensure you’re clear about what you need. For example, if her sarcasm or remarks have been hurtful, gently express how they affect you and suggest ways you can both work on better communication.

Involve a mediator: If emotions are too high, involve someone neutral, like Ryan, to facilitate a conversation. Let him help bridge the gap, and listen to both sides patiently.

In another letter, a woman shared her reasons for refusing to support her retired mother. Read her story here.