My Ex Wrecked Our Family, Then Expected Me to Be Nice to His Affair Kid, Got a Severe Reality Check / Bright Side

Infidelity has the power to shatter entire families, leaving emotional scars that extend far beyond the immediate betrayal. When a partner cheats, it’s not just the person who was betrayed who suffers—children within the family often feel the ripple effects as well. If the unfaithful partner had children outside the marriage, the situation becomes even more complicated. However, it’s important to remember that no child is ever to blame for the circumstances of their birth.

Recently, a mother of three turned to Reddit for advice about a deeply personal and sensitive issue. She shared how her ex-husband attempted to manipulate her into buying gifts for the child he fathered during an affair. When she refused, he became hostile, further escalating the tension.

A woman turned to Reddit with her very emotional and complicated story.

Co-parenting with an ex who betrayed your trust can be incredibly challenging. Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is crucial to navigating this difficult dynamic while protecting your own well-being. An anonymous woman, who came under a nickname NovelDot112, has recently shared her story on Reddit, and it seemed to touch every chord in people’s souls.

The woman opened her post, saying, [edited], “My ex cheated on me and had a kid with another woman. I have only seen this child 5 times and I don’t have any relationship with her. My kids don’t think of her as a sister. My ex has no money, which is only his problem. But now he demands that I must buy his daughter a gift and treat her with warmth and attention, I can’t accept it.”

The woman shared, “I never interacted with her and while I know she’s innocent of what my ex did, I prefer to keep us distant. My kids don’t think of her as a sister. I never tried to change that.
For me, them being close to her is not something I care about. If they are, then they are, and I’d have to deal. But if not, then I don’t feel the need to encourage or promote it. My ex knows this.”

“And he knows our kids don’t care for his daughter. They don’t have the best relationship with him either. He’s not absent exactly, but he’s been all over the place since the divorce, and he works a lot of long hours and lives almost two hours from us, which is partly why he’s not a 50-50 dad.”

The OP’s ex has been raising his daughter as a single dad.

The woman mentioned in her post that her ex-husband has full custody of his daughter and is going for child support, but her mom isn’t paying.

She also added, “I have primary custody of our three children (11m, 9f, 9m). He gets our kids every other weekend.”

The OP shared, “My ex lost his job in January. He notified the courts and his child support payment was reduced for our kids while he’s not earning as much.
The change in job and pay has meant he struggled far more, and the kids have noticed the difference in quality of life when they’re with him. He also warned them months ago that they would get a small Christmas gift each from him because he cannot afford more.”

The OP’s ex is struggling financially, and he expected the OP to help him.

The woman shared, “This leads onto his daughter. His parents died some years before our kids were born, his sister doesn’t talk to him, his brother stopped talking to him after the affair and the child’s mother’s family is not involved in her life either.”

“So it’s just him for her, and he can’t afford to get her much. He mentioned this in our co-parenting app and when we went to meet with our twins’ teacher he asked if I would get her something or somethings so she can have some presents to open for Christmas. I told him no.”

The situation escalated very quickly from then on. The woman wrote, “He didn’t ask me again until yesterday. He had the kids at the weekend and dropped them off at my house afterward. He saw the gifts under the tree, and he was angry at me.”

“He asked if I got his daughter anything, and I said no. He asked me what our kids got, and I wouldn’t tell him. I reminded him it was none of his business what I buy. Then he took out this dollar store doll, and he told me that was all he could afford for his daughter, and she’s just four years old.”

Now, the OP’s ex-husband insists that she’s a bad person and that she’s guilty.

The OP wrote, “He told me he knows he’s to blame, but she wasn’t, and he told me I could have helped, just a little, or could have helped the kids get close to her, and maybe they would have wanted to give her something. He said instead I was just a cruel and selfish person to an innocent child, and he said she only knows being abandoned by her mom and her mom’s family, she’s unwanted by her own siblings and her siblings’ mom can’t even be compassionate enough to get her one more thing so she doesn’t just get one tiny doll for Christmas.”

“He also put it on me that if he got our kids nothing because he knew I’d get them something, and spent that money on his daughter instead, that it would make them pull away from him more. He left angry, and I went back inside and carried on as normal.”

“I know I’m not a saint for this, and I don’t pretend to be. But am I a bad person for not getting the child something for Christmas when I know my ex can’t afford anything else?”

Redditors came to the comments to express a variety of opinions.

One person wrote, “The cheater could have found even a temporary job if he needed money for gifts. To pin his kids lack of gifts on you is childish and petty. You’re not guilty.”

One more user added, “This is something I’ll never understand. I’ve been out of work and needed something quick to pay the bills, and got a job in fast food until I got something in my industry again. Beggars can’t be choosers and all that.”

Another user commented, “Being that the child is only 4 and all grandparents are out of the picture as well as her mom, he’d probably have to figure out childcare if he was working the temporary job that probably has weird hours. I don’t feel for him, but I do feel for the innocent child.”

Some Redditor shared, “The only selfish person here is your ex. The audacity to get mad at you is just beyond. Tell him next time he wants to curse at you for not doing his job for him, to do so on the parenting app so you’ll have it documented. The biggest plus of being divorced is that you don’t have to subject yourself to his cruelty and selfishness.”

And one more user said it all, suggesting this, “It was his responsibility to reach out to charities in the area who help children living in poverty during the Christmas period.”

And here’s a story of a man, whose wife is a stepmother to his 10-year-old son. And once, she kicked the little boy out of a family picture. The desperate dad told this story and shared how he reacted to this appalling behavior of his spouse.