My Stepdaughter Hates Me, but She’s About to Learn the Truth—It’s Time for a Reality Check / Bright Side

💬 “You’re not my dad.” Those words haunt this stepfather as he recounts years of trying to bridge the gap with his stepdaughter. Despite being left out of her life, he’s provided support at every turn—until now. With a bill on the table, he’s finally saying, “No more.” What’s your take on his tough choice?

My wife passed away when my sons were 8 and 4. Since then, I remarried, and my new wife and I have been married for 11 years. She was married before and had a daughter from her past marriage. Her ex-husband’s story is its own saga, but suffice it to say he’s alive but isn’t in their life anymore.

When we married, my biological children were 13 and 9, and my stepdaughter was 12. For 11 years, I tried to make some bridges; I would get her gifts and try to make sure she always got what she wanted. I did everything I could to make her happy.

I would drive her to school and be at her extracurriculars; I paid for the nicest private schools for her I could. Not to mention, I worked day and night so I could give her the lifestyle she deserved (my wife is a housewife, a choice she made after she voluntarily quit her job in marketing). I tried my best and treated her just like my sons, but she continued to hate me.

This came to a head specifically when my stepdaughter graduated about 5 years ago. While my eldest son had invited my wife (his stepmom) to his graduation, my stepdaughter refused to invite me. She had two tickets, but she only invited her mother (her grandparents refused, as they live in my wife’s native country).

When I asked why? She said, “You’re not my dad; you didn’t raise me, and I don’t want you in my life.” I was heartbroken. I tried very hard for her to like me, but she hated me. Still, I paid for her college (I paid for both of my son’s colleges as well).

Nevertheless, a few months ago, she informed my wife that she would be getting married. I only found out when my wife told me. What was even more devastating was that she said she would come home to celebrate, and I brought a cake, balloons, and so much more. Then, last minute, she changed plans. She just told my wife that she should come over to her apartment without my sons and me. I was shattered.

When I eventually called to congratulate her, she just tried to end the conversation as quickly as she could. The last thing I asked was maybe the honor of having a father-daughter dance with her, which she had shot down.

I said nothing, but then came the bill, and my wife said she needed some money for her wedding. I considered it long and hard, but clearly, as she didn’t consider me as her father, I said I would not be paying for her wedding. I told my wife that she had money saved up; it was her choice to use that if she wanted, but I would not be paying for her wedding. She was furious at me; she said she barely had any money saved up, and I was being an awful person.

I have received calls from all of my wife’s family telling me that I should pay (mainly her immediate family, like my father-in-law and my brother-in-law). The whole thing has become a mess; it has divided our family, but I am still holding my ground. Am I right in my decision?

Redditors sided with the man:

• I am honestly shocked that you did all the fatherly aspects up to this point despite her being bitter and cold. It’s fair to say you reached the breaking point or the last straw to be a father towards her. It’s fair that you are not doing that since she said you’re not her father. @MewMixDNA / Reddit
• Your stepdaughter said you are not her dad. You are not obliged to pay for her wedding since you are not her dad, even though you tried and supported her. Ask them to ask for money from her biological dad. That’s the very least they can do.
  At this age, her daughter will never accept you as a father figure, so you can accept that fact and act accordingly. @sarpofun / Reddit
• I noticed right off that stepdaughter did not contact you to ask you to pay for the wedding. @Traveling-Techie / Reddit
• She only wants your money, and even then she won’t even TRY to be nice. Even if you paid, you definitely won’t get an invite. I would stop trying to be nice to her, to be honest. @invaderzimm95 / Reddit
• She said you aren’t her father, and she treats you the way she does, but expects you to foot the bill for her wedding? Nope. @Apricot_Gus / Reddit
• Why on earth would you pay for this? You probably aren’t even on the guest list. She’s used to using your money. That should have stopped longer ago, but now is as good a time as any. @Dry-Spring5230 / Reddit

Some of the commenters highlighted the wife’s role:

• Her mother clearly didn’t bother saving any money up to pay for her own daughter’s wedding because she was always intending to use her husband for the money to pay for it all along. @Silvermorney / Reddit
• What’s your wife’s role in all this? Did she try to help you build a relationship with her daughter at all? Why was she ok with the way her daughter treated you all these years? Maybe time to rethink your marriage? @Apricot_Gus / Reddit
• Your wife obviously seemed OK with her daughter not wanting you to be a part of her life—despite your best efforts. Your wife will either eventually understand that this is the bed her daughter made for herself. Or she’s going to hold this against you forever, because it is likely that the daughter will punish her for you not paying, and she will essentially have to choose between you and her daughter. @DrewDonut / Reddit
• Sounds horrible, and your wife tolerating that behavior and expecting you to still pay is ridiculous. Stick to your decision. @anaisaknits / Reddit

The man added a comment about his wife later:

My wife has been an amazing mother. She is a loving and dotting wife who runs a phenomenal house. She tried to get her daughter close to me as well, to little consequence. I also do not think that I could be where I am without her (and certainly before her, I was nowhere close to where I am in my success).

It is also true that my money has always been our money, and she does most of the accounting for the house anyway. If I did this, I would be doing this for her, not my daughter.

Moreover, if she really wanted to, she could do it without my approval. More than half the money is in bank accounts with her name on them. She never has, and I do not think she will. If she does, that will be her choice, and even if she told me she was going to, I do not think I would stop her.

Some people suggested their view on how to hold the further conversation:

• My dearest wife. You know how much I treated SD as my own and how fully she has rejected me in every way but accepting my money. I am absolutely nothing to her.
  Why do you think I should keep giving her money when she rejects me so completely? If you want more help, why aren’t you asking the people that she does consider family? Her grandfather; her uncle? @swillshop / Reddit
• My advice to you is to discuss with your wife and explain your perspective and why your stepdaughter does not deserve complete support. However, your wife is a phenomenal partner, so let her know that your love for her (your wife) is why you will contribute anyway despite your feelings.
  Suggest that you contribute to the wedding, but feel that paying for the entirety is not appropriate, and you would like your wife and you to together determine as a couple what the appropriate amount is under the circumstances. Approach it from the perspective of appreciating your amazing wife for what she wants, and disregard your ungrateful stepdaughter. @_Chaos_Star_ / Reddit
• Tell your wife’s family that they are more than welcome to pay for the wedding since they feel they have a say in the matter. @Apricot_Gus / Reddit

💥 Another family drama alert! A man’s stepfather-to-be just dropped a bizarre request, leaving him torn between keeping his mom happy and blurting out, “Wait, seriously?!” What would you do in his shoes?